Monday, March 22, 2010

What happened while I was away.....pt. 1

!WARNING! DUE TO WEEKS WITHOUT INTERNET ACCESS SARAH HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO WRITE IN HER BLOG FREQUENTLY ENOUGH THEREFORE MAKING WHAT SHOULD'VE BEEN A SMALL ENTRY INTO A LONG-POSSIBLY BORING- ENTRY. CONTINUE READING AT WILL BUT YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED OF IT'S LENGTH.

*Heaves sigh* So, we are now "moved in" and guess what? I'm 231.4 lbs! yay! one of the many good things about this house is that it has stairs so every time I walk down or up them, it's like getting a mini cardio workout. I've even incorporated running up and down stairs into my workout routine. Which will become more intense at the end of November as I want to tone up a bit more for my Grandparents Christmas Party.
One of the reasons I wanted to get in shape was a unique one. Not because I wanted to be seen as sexy or because it was a do or die health situation is, I see all these little outfits on mannequins at the department stores and I want to wear them. Also, I see cute little frilly panties and super comfortable bras and I WANT TO PUT THEM ON but I can't! I'm too big. As of right now I'm wearing a push-up bra that's just a wee bit too small for me. Granted, I have been able to wear some of them since I lost the 30 pounds but, I don't want to have to grab the largest size there is. I'd much rather grab an in between size. The most shattering thing has happened this day:
I bought a size 17 Levi Strauss pair of blue jeans and THEY DON'T FIT! waaaah! *slap* enough! I'm not focusing on the negative here. I am going to note all the happy things of today like, I'm 231.6 lbs. Up two ounces from yesterday but nonetheless I'm still down 5 lbs. from the beginning of this month. I have three trouble areas that desperately need working on: My stomach
My hips (naturally)
My thighs

My stomach and thighs need to be worked on because they're not toning up as nicely as my arms and calves. My hips, just because they're big. They were one of the reasons I couldn't wear the aforementioned Levi jeans. I'm suspecting and preparing myself for loose skin from my arms. Already I'm seeing signs of loose skin. Particularly near my armpits. Sorry you had to read that last part about the whole 'Pit thing. :)
Right now -as I type this- I'm planning out the course of action for the next few months. BY JULY 7TH I WILL BE 70 POUNDS LIGHTER! 65 POUNDS LEFT TO GO!
My goal for December is 10 to 15 pounds. My goal for January is 5 to 10 pounds. My goal for February is 10 to 15 pounds. I did a Body Fat Formula test from one of my exercise books and it was revealed my body fat percentage was 30%. Suh-Weet!
Here's the formula if you want to try:
1. step on the scale and weigh yourself.
your body weight___ X 0.732 + 8.987= ______

2. Measure your wrist at the fullest point.
wrist measurement___ / 3.140 = ______

3. Measure your waist at your navel.
Waist measurement___X 0.157 = _______

4. Measure your hips at the fullest point.
Hips Measurement____ x 0.249 = ______

5. Measure your forearm at the fullest point.
Forearm measurement___ X 0.434 = _____

Now calculate your body fat. On your calculator:
Add the totals for 1 and 2.
Subtract the total for 3.
Subtract the total for 4.
Add the total for 5.

This number is your lean body mass.

Subtract your lean body mass from your total weight.

Body weight____ - lean body mass _____= ____

This number is the weight of your body fat.

Body fat weight ____ X 100 = ___ / Total body Weight _____

This number is youru copy the whole Body Fat Measurement part, paste it in "Notebook" format, print it out and write down all your information. It helps to know because a lot of exercises are tied to Body Fat Percentage. Anyhoo, man! this bra is making my ladies look faboo! sorry! just had to say it.
Anyway, so, this entry is a compilation of two days. One day I was "sad" and today I'm...bubbly? I guess that's what I am. More so I'm just feeling good and energetic. I believe I mentioned yesterday that I was going to tone up and what not for Grandma and Grandpa's Christmas Party, and I stand by it! Starting November 30th I'm going to up my workout with this diet to about 1 hour 15 minutes. The reason for trimming up by then is not why you think. I'm not slimming down to impress my family members rather to stick it to 'em! I have an aunt who has lost a tremendous amount of weight and while she is not mean and snobby per se, she is a bit on the "braggy" side. I can't mention exercise to her without receiving a schpeil about how much weight she had to lose. I think she lost 80 something pounds. Her son, my cousin, lost a huge amount of weight as well but, he's more shy about it. He tends to not want to speak of it much like it was something he does not want to relive. Of course, me and my cousin hardly ever talk save for things like "Merry Christmas!" and that's about it. I can't remember the last time I actually sat down and spoke with him about something as simple as the weather. I do remember watching "Water boy" with him and him asking me what my favorite film was. I was young at the time and replied "Mulan". He said his was -no real shock here- "Water boy". One day next week I'm going to make a huge list of why I want to lose weight and post it. I've got so many reasons. Sexiness, sveltness, mobility, healthiness, etc. I'm going to put them to "paper" so I remember them all. I can pull it from my archive and find a new source of strength to draw from. "FOR THE PANTIES!" I'll grunt as I lift myself up to complete a chin up. This already sounds fun.
My biggest hope is that I'll lose at least 5 pounds from this endeavor. I need to lose more than that though if I want to keep my blog. I really don't want to give up my blog because it's very stress relieving. It also helps me to brainstorm through a lot of my exercising problems.

Well well la dee friggin' well! today I check my emails and what do I find? an email from a certain someone I mentioned a few days ago in my B-Log. Adam.
Yes! THE Adam. The one I was reminiscing about all dreamily? Here is the exact thing my email said:
To: twothumbscritic@gmail.com
Subject: Hi from a friend

Hi it's Adam *last name witheld* from *church name witheld*. Remember who i am? We used to go out when we were like 14 or 15 sumthin like that. i found you on facebook and your email was there so i like thought i give you a call.
Whacha ben up too?

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Yes. What a strange little booty call this is. Is this for real? or is it a trap designed to lure me into his clutches using old memories? PAH! he ain't gettin' this no more! Mamma's got bigger fish to fry!
But, alas, if that were not enough I got onto my Facebook account from the Library's computer and found a notification stating that Adam had requested my friendship. While I thought about what to do with this guy who called me a blimp, I noticed that my Facebook inbox had 1 new unread message in it. SURPRISE! it was from Adam again! Here's what it said:

From: Adam *censored*
Tue 8:34 PM

Hey oh my gosh Sarah! whats up? you still look realy pretty whacha up to? if you don't know who i am we were bf gf when we were younger.

This part of the email didn't bother me but, the next part did.

..remember the sock puppets mr. tube and lady hanes? making out on thecouch? "god save the bean"? jousting in the parking lot? man i miss you we gotta get togeter and see each other again. i'm still at *censored* every wed. and sun. come see me.

Part of me wants to be like "No thanks!" or even "Who are you? I don't remember an Adam *beep*. You must have the wrong girl." make him feel insignificant because he's an arse. My girlfriend B, 'fessed up to giving him a link to my Facebook page because he kept asking to see my pictures again. I must say, he doesn't look half bad himself. He got a six-pack and some muscly arms in my absence. B gave me disturbing news and said he took his cellphone into the bathroom at school with the pictures on it. I was like, don't tell me he's having a tug-o-war in there over me! I don't know whether or not I should accept his friend request. I want to but, I wouldn't talk to him. I haven't responded to his emails and messages. It's been two days since I checked those. He's also turned into an artsy hippie. "Save the whales!" "Love isn't optional" "To truly understand yourself, you've gotta understand the World around you". It wouldn't work as I'm sort of the opposite. My statuses usually say something like "I owe my soul to the company store" "I want candy!" and most famously "she got that weave, weave hanging down her sleeve she got that crunk, crunk and that junk in her trunk she got to roll, roll wit' all dem boys she don't need money when she got dem toys! OH!" yeah. Save the Whales? sure. But I'm not about to go protest by chaining myself to a tree. Or worse, a whale. That would just be too proactive for me. I'd prefer to crank call the Senators and threaten to explode the Eads Bridge than chaining myself to anything or heaven forbid, a march! I also would be more violent than the normal hippie. I'd have a Tabasco bomb waiting in their cars so when they refused to save the whales it'd go off and burn their eyes out. Ha ha ha! save the whales?! you can't even save yourselves! bwa ha ha ha! *cough ahem* pardon, hippies bring out the violent side of me. Now, where were we? ah yes! Adam! Yeah, even if he tried it wouldn't work. Besides one of his videos features him trying to get this waitress to kiss him. What a dork. I'll have to ask him what happened to his waitress girlfriend. Send him an email all like "Oh hey Adam! I'm doing sooo awesomely! everything just fell into place now, I feel so spectacular all the time. How's it with you? and your waitress girlfriend? "
Stick it in, twist, pull out. That's how I play dirty.
I just don't know. My fear is that I'll start dating him again and he'll end up being just like all the other boys. I'll spend more time with my legs wrapped around him, moaning and saying falsity like "oh you tiger!" and "more! oh! yes! mmmm!" our conversations won't be interesting anymore they'll mainly consist of him trying to get me to do something I really don't want to do. "C'mon! you'll only be chained to the whale for 2 hours! what can it hurt? your saving the whales! will you at least march with me?"
Oi. Most likely he'll be like "I just want to reminisce with you. Honest!" and then next thing I know I've got a date scheduled for next Friday at 7 PM don't be late! One of these days I'll find a man who'll stay the same no matter what. My conflict still rages inside of me, accept or deny? accept or deny? I do not know. 'Til tomorrow....
P.S. my weight for today was 232.6 lbs. need to lose a pound to maintain my 5 pound losage.
I hope tomorrow brings a better reading.

Today's weight is 232.2 lbs.
Today (11-25-09) my scale was 230.8 lbs! WOO! I'm going down like the Titanic! I'm really really commited to losing this weight I can't wait to be 170 pounds. Starting November 30 th I'm upping my exercise to push the weight loss even farther. I also checked with my doctor who said that 145 is my ideal weight. It's right in between where I should be. So, when I get down to 170 I might try to get to 145. 25 pound loss. One of the things I'm going to limit extremely is sugar. So, here's a list of things I'm not allowed to drink come November 30th:
Soda ('diet' included)
Lemonade
Juice
Kool-Aid
Apple Cider
Hot Cocoa
Coffee (unless it's black)

What will I be able to drink? Water. Delicious, crisp, the original refreshment, Water. Even at Christmas when Grandma's offering juice with the traditional breakfast I'll decline.
"Water please, Grandma!" I'll say thrusting my glass under the tap. And she'll most likely have something to say but, we'll fight that battle when we come to it. Meanwhile I'll be slimming my body down to 170 pounds. Now, I wrote down "Christmas Break" across my schedule when preparing my aerobics regime but, I'm still going to eat healthy. I'm going to because I want to. This big ol butt of mine! I'm gonna watch it decline! Oh this big ol butt of mine! I'm gonna watch it decline! this big ol butt of mine! I'm gonna watch it decline! watch it decline watch it decline watch it decline!
You can sing that out loud if you wish. It'll be fun! It's very empowering. Especially when sung with a gospel hype, like you're starting a revival. Wave your hands in the air, shake your hips, move your head around, just get dramatic with your movements.
Anyway, I can't wait to cross this river. There's a rainbow on the other side that's smiling down on me.
Yesterday's weight (11-26-09) 231.8.
Today's weight is 231.6. Well, Happy Belated Thanksgiving everyone! My family and I didn't celebrate it on Thursday, instead we're opting for Saturday because that's the only day all of us can get together. So, today we're planning and making the meal. Sans Turkey. That's cooked tomorrow morning/afternoon.
Now, I have an issue at hand that needs to be discussed in as private a room as you can get. Shut the door, draw the blinds, take this into the other room if you can, etc.
Okay, now that it's just you and me, I'm having problems with my poo schedule. i.e. I'm not defecating as much as I used to. I tried laxatives but, they didn't really help right away. Of course, they were natural laxes. Anyway, I've only poo-ed three times this week.
There, now you can resume normal publicity. I feel better now that I've gotten that off my chest. As I type this, I'm making toast in the oven. "But Sarah, you silly goose! Toast is made in the toaster!" Yes, in traditional homes. But in mine, we're a bit more "Earth Friendly" and since my mother learned that you can cook more toast in the oven with less carbon emissions she's been making it in the oven. In short, she tossed out the toaster.
Today is my Dad's 53rd birthday! Happy Birthday, Papi!

Ew gross! I just caught a glimpse of my belly rolls! BLECH! oh, that reminds me. If you have any links to a website that can help you rid "muffin top" I'd be most grateful and mention you at the table when we go around say who and what we're thankful for. I've got the most horrendous explosion over my pants it's rivaling Hiroshima. (No disrespect for Veterans here, just a metaphor my Grandpa used to use.) On the plus side, it's helped to make my posture better as I have to sit directly upright to look like a girl and not Jabba the Hut. Anyway, I've been thinking about what to say to Adam (see earlier) and so far I've written this letter to him but haven't sent:

Dear Adam,
Hey how're you doing? I'm doing just fantastic! I got my job back as a blimp for the Goodyear Tire company even though I ran away the first time. My fiancee, Derek Jeter, and I have been so busy having awesome sex that I haven't had the time to think of you. But, I'm glad to see you're doing well. I saw that video of you and the waitress, you've changed quite a bit. As for the mention of "Mr. Tube" and "Lady Hanes" I have no recollection of that. And I didn't think I sang "God save the bean" with you. Anyway, glad to hear from you again!
Sincerely,
Sarah Jeter

So, yes. That's my unsent letter to him. No doubt he won't know what the "Blimp" mention is but, if he asks I'll remind him with pleasure. Oi. I know I should just let it go, it doesn't matter he was an arse but, I find it hard to when he's looking right at me and walking in the direction of my punch. Okay, I'm just going to breathe and sigh and try to let go.
Todays weight (11-28-09) 232.8.
Only two days until my exercise regimen ups. I'm excited.
CRIZAP!! 234.4! What the heck? (11-29-09) Okay, I'm not going to dwell on the 2 pound gain because tomorrow begins my 70 pound decline. I can do this, I'm going to do this, I DESERVE this! I can't wait to see my 170 lb. frame! tee hee! all the cute little clothes I'll be wearing! I was looking at this book I bought a while ago called "How to have model beauty, poise, and personality" by John Robert Powers and I want to start practicising some of those ideas. I want to start actually looking like I care about how I look. I do but, I just don't show it too loudly. Anyway, I'm anxious to start tomorrow but that doesn't mean I'm going to put it off. I've wanted this for far too long. I can always picture myself thin, why can't I ever actually do it? Oh well. Wish me luck!! :)
235.0....:(
ARGH! So, my workout went just fandoobydasee but, when my mother came back from doing errands she asked me "Have you had breakfast yet?" to which I replied "Yes." and she looked at me and asked "What did you have?" I replied again "My protein shake." to which she sighed disappointedly and glared in my direction. "You know I like us all to eat together." She growled, I rolled my eyes. It's this speech again. "Yes, and I'm sorry I didn't wait I was just very hungry." she rolled her eyes at me and stormed into the kitchen. "It doesn't matter, we eat together from now on."
The suck. Why does this stupid rule always hop into the path and force me to change everything about old diet plans? I don't want to be an overweight person anymore and I highly doubt I can change that by having cocoa roos in the morning with you. The same thing at Mcdonald's! if I say, order a salad, she sighs and grunts my order like it's a burden. If I start talking about my workout routine she half listens or changes the subject pronto. Why? Anyway, I'm going to make some soup for lunch today. AFTER LUNCH: welp, didn't have soup, instead ate half a peanut butter sandwich and some chips. It was delicious, and the reason I didn't have soup at lunch was because dinner is going to be soup. Potato-onion soup. With bread. I'm not going to eat the bread, even though it sounds good. I can't can't wait to step on the scale tomorrow! whoops!
235.0. That's the scale's reading for today. Same ol' same ol'. Did my workout and felt great afterwards. The one problem that struck hard was I didn't fall asleep until 12:30 something and my alarm goes off at 5:15am. I woke up and got dressed but fell back asleep at 6:30am when I was putting my shoes on. I finally woke up and got up at 8:13am. That time I just forced myself to do it with this guise, "Do you want to be fat forever?"
My answer naturally was 'NO!". I got goin' immediatly. My Mom turned 50 today! (12-01-09) happy birthday, Mom! and happy December to you! Well, I really want to be thin soon. I feel so great when I exercise, I often wonder why sometimes I'll blow it off completely? it's like not accepting a free full body massage!
(12-02-09) 235.2
(12-03-09) 234.8. Well, I'm starting to lose some weight. I stated earlier that I love working out. True, true. I have an outfit that I want to fit into by July 7th 2010. It's a pair of jeans. They look so fabulous I want to wear them! they remind me of classic country girl blue jeans. And that's what I am now you know, I'm a country girl. With my 3 acres of land to cultivate and grow different vegetables and fruit trees. Anyway, I really really hope I meet this months goal! 10 pounds, it's alot but my physician said it could be done healthily by a person of my size. I'm taking some pictures for my Facebook page. I really want to tell Adam to suck a d**k with the whole "I miss you" lies. Maybe I'll say just that.
Dear Adam
Suck a D**k! you are a big mean liar and you haven't missed me. *sticks tongue out*

Yeah! stick it to the man! in other non-D/Bag news, I have developed a gag reflex to bread and doughy things in general. The other day while trying to eat a turkey sandwich I nearly puked. When I ate just the turkey, I was perfectly fit. I attempted to digest the bread once more and there it was again, gag reflex. So, that's a good thing, no? carbohydrates are kinda bad for you and I don't even want to eat 'em. Hooray! I'm growing my nails out and my hair, toord so that'll have to do now. Anyway, I usually like my hair short and sweet but, I'm growing it out to make it easier to pull it back into a bun or something. Right now, it falls in my face when I blink. It's a cute little haircut but, annoying when you're trying to do crunches without eating hair.
Showering always makes me want to lose weight. I get in the shower, look down and I'm like "Phew! I can still see my feet, but what's that white mass of Jell-O? OHMIGOSH! It's ME!" I try to loofah scrub off my fatness but, alas, I'm a loser before I even try. I also can't use a loofah anymore without thinking about the whole Bill O'Reilly sex thing anymore and barfing at the suggestion of that dude getting any. *heebie jeebie* That reminds me, It's time once again for you to make this room private. This is a very personal matter..and DIRTY!


Alone? okay, good. Riddle me this, Batman..Why after exercising am I..horny? something about the moving around makes my Libido shoot up into the stars! it's like "okay, two more reps left..1,2 DONE! *HORNY* MUST.FIND.MAN.NOT.RELATED.TO.ME!!"
literally, I finish moving around and my southern belle wants to dance with a fireman and his hose. I gotta fix that.

OKay, resume normality once again. I'm finished with our personal meeting. Tell the children it's okay to come out from under the bed now. Hopefully, tomorrow will bring a lower scale reading. One that says "233" or something lower if possible! I'm staring at the future pants I want to wear and thinking "One of these days."
Today's weight 234.4 I'm really happy about this one. This morning when I woke up I was weighing myself after I'd peed and I had my jammies on. 236.0 it screamed at me. I was like NOOOOO! but then I realized I had to go drop a kid off at the pool and I weighed myself the way I normally do, in the nude. 234.4 it read three times. Whoopty whoop!
AUGH! today's weight: 235.0 WHAT THE FUDGE?! I only drink water, I count my calories, I workout for an hour and a half every morning except Saturday and Sunday and what does the scale say? 235.0 it should just say "Suck it, Loser!" AACK! I want to lose weight so very very badly. Tomorrow I measure myself, but, I want to also have a smaller number to write down on the paper. :( I feel like my attempts are being thwarted. Stupid Scale. Why do I have that thing anyway? I should really just go by measurements. Maybe that's what I'll do from now on. I'm not gonna worry about what the scale says, I'm going to worry about what the pants size says.
235.4 that's today's weight. So, I measured myself and while I was doing so, I was thinking..What if I adopted a once a week weigh in? Oh man, that'd be hard for me to do but, I'll do it. It'd probably be better for me mentally so I don't march around worrying my little pretty head off. My measurements weren't that good either, but I'm going to make them better. ALOT better. Anywho, I will now only weigh in on Sunday when I do my measurements. No more daily weight postings. Only daily AWESOMENESS postings! I have a cold and my throat hurts like nothing else. I want to go exercise today but, I'm not supposed to and I really can't due to projects being done. I hope one day I'll be slim. Allow me to rephrase that: One day I will be slim. I really hope that tomorrow I'm feeling better sickness-wise.
Welp, Not feeling to good this morning. I still got up and did my workouts, I didn't get on the scale, I had one pancake with 1/2 tablespoon of peanut butter, I've been drinking only water, I should have a smaller number on Sunday. I PRAY I HAVE A SMALLER NUMBER ON SUNDAY!! Or at least smaller measurements. Today I was looking in the mirror while applying chapstick, and I noticed something. Now, you're going to probably say something like "NO YOU'RE NOT!" but I'm not taking it bad, I just realized this:
I'm not super attractive. I'm pretty but I'm not a Hollywood Hottie. The difference to me and the movie stars is make up but, without it I still look beautiful. I'm just not as beautiful as them. I highly doubt any movie starlet has even given herself an at home Brazilian Wax, or done manicure's and pedicure's herself, or has mixed together her own face mask and hair mask and sat in it for 20 minutes. But, this is the acceptance I've come to, even without gobs of time spent on myself, I'm pretty. I don't need to spend a perfectly good Saturday night dunking my fingers into a bowl of hot water, or soaking my feet, or water torturing myself over and over to achieve that natural shine. Sister, let me tell ya, that ain't natural. Anyhoo, today my grandparents came by to drop off some clothes my Aunt had gone through. My grandma was showing me everything I had to choose from and she kept saying "well, mostly Laura could only wear this stuff.." and I kept looking down at my flabby body and thinking :
"I will be rid of this. I will be rid of this and then I can wear all the cute clothes."
But at the same time I kept thinking:
"You know, the river ain't that far from here. You could just jump in and not have to worry about losing that weight."
Yes, I'm suicidal lazy. I just can't wait to wake up one morning and step on the scale and be revealed the magic number. "Sarah!" the scale will say "You did it! you lost 70 pounds! YAY!" and then we'll parade around downtown Saint Louis singing my praise and not eating stuff. Or, more likely, I step on the scale, it'll say "170.0" and I'll say "OHMIGOSHOHMIGOSH! I DID IT!!" and my parents will say "Good job, Sarah! We're proud of you!" and then the next day, I'll step on the scale and it'll say "190.8" and I'll cry bitterly. Always the optimist, I pursue my dreams of slim jeans and attractive clothes.
I was doing some thinking and I reckoned that if I ran up and down this hill in my yard 2 times a day, that'd get my heart pumping where it should and if I can keep it up for 15 minutes, that's half a daily workout. I already ran up and down it twice today and was WINDED like never before, but my heart was a throbbin'! like a teeny bopper at a "Twilight" showing.
Man oh manny man! Do I ever want to step on the scale! Today, I woke up, dressed, and skeezied on down to the pumpkin patch (basement) to work out. Unfortunately, today it's raining causing the hill to be sopping wet. I tried to run up it and slid back down causing a huge gorge on the side of it to be formed. So, I didn't want to risk anymore damage to our lovely land. I think that after my Dad wakes up and my sister finishes her nap, I'll run up and down the stairs. I broke my workouts up today. I did PRA in the morning, Pretty Woman Leg Workout in the afternoon, and I'll be running the stairs in the evening/late afternoon. My mom said I looked thinner today. She could be lying, you know how Mom's sometimes just want to make you feel good. OH! and I'm going to begin doing mini 2 minute workouts during commercials when I'm watching TV! It's broken up by legs, tummy, arms, hips, and the best part is -wait for it- I DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE THE COUCH!! whoopty whoop! Trying to keep myself moving all day.
Oh man oh man! I want to step on the scale SOOOOOO very bad! this morning, I had an idea:
After I lose all the weight, I'm going to have a MAKEOVER! cut my hair, get my nails "did", a pedicure, maybe a massage, etc. Then, I'm going to host a virtual Party In My Pants! (P.I.M.P.) ha ha ha! I'm going to look like a weirdo marching around in my big ol' pants! July is going to be AWESOME! I'm also going to make a music video for my blog. OH! I can't WAIT to get Internet access again!! I miss logging in everyday! :(
Today I had the hardest time NOT weighing myself. I kept thinking "Just a peek, and I'll be content for the rest of this week." But, I fought it. Sunday is only three days away, I've waited longer for stuff like that. I've been eating pretty good so far, haven't really been allowed per se to go on a diet, but, I've been making better decisions. I mainly live off of fiber and protein now, causing my poo problem to banish itself. Oh, I want to go jogging so friggin' bad! but I can't and on top of that, my stupid little brother decides that throwing a McDonald's cheeseburger wrapper at my head is the best way to deal with this. Mix it with a little something called a head cold and you've got the makings for an assassination attempt. AUGH! I just want to get a glimpse into the future and see if I do lose the weight! that way I can see if this is even worth it. Man, I just want to start seeing life out of a thinner body. When I lose 70 pounds next year, it will be an official one hundred pound loss. 30 from my first attempt, plus 70 from now equals 100! plus the 25 pounds I'd have to lose to get to 145. 125 pounds is the amount of flab I've GOT TO lose! no if's, and's, or but's! definatly NO BUT'S!! (pun implied). Oh man I have to pee right now but I can't. I'm soo excited for Sunday, sunday, SUNDAY! woo! One of the reasons I wanted to step on the scale again was because my sister asked "What have you been doing?" and I gave her a run down of everything I was doing, and she said that she'd like to start doing something like it. She finished up by saying "Another reason is, you look like you've dropped 10 pounds in a week." I wondered real bad what I weighed after that. I was fri-zeeking out over it. But rest assured muchachos, I shall not set a toe on that scale until sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY!! ha ha ha ha!
This is Sarah, signing off and saying good night. Oh man! only two days until the weigh in. I'm planing my exercise schedule all the way into July because "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." And the last thing I want to do here is..fail. I hope the scale has a smaller reading. Mainly, I hope my measurements are smaller. I have been looking in the mirror everyday trying to see the changes. And, I've seen some changes. My hips look smaller, my tummy has definately gotten smaller, and my boobs have firmed up. All welcome changes. I hope to see more in the coming future! woo woo! :)
230.8!!!!! 5 lbs. down in a week! My 10 pound goal is achievable!! I am soo soo revved!! I was so friggin excited when I first stepped on the scale because it read 229.8 and I like, freaked. But, I was stepping on it wrong and it read 230.8!! I FEEL SO HAPPY!! *tears* MY LIFE IS COMING TOGETHER!! I'M GOING TO DO THIS!! :) :) :) :) :) :) I can't believe I did that, 5 pounds down in a week. If I can keep that kind of losage up, I'll be thinner faster than you can say "diet coke". Oh man oh man oh manny man man! :) One bad thing though is, I find myself feeling extremely unsatisfied with my meals at times. Oh well, I'll find a way to combat this. I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT! whoopty whoop I CAN DO IT!

So, after yesterday's fantastic discovery of my disappearing five pounds, I feel more pumped and energized. One thing though, looking in the mirror I still feel and look fat. All I see is rolls and rolls and rolls of tubbiness! I need to really work on my tummy. Obliques, Rectus Abdominus, Lower fibers of rectus abdominus, etc. All parts of my jelly belly. I also forgot to take my measurements on Sunday. Darn it! Anyway, right now I'm lying on the edge of my bed and doing a modified "Mouse House" to help tighten my core. I also might do a few "planks" before officially starting my day. I didn't get to do my stretches after my PRA workout or my 6 minute tummy toning either as Mom got breakfast together and called me in. Oh well, I can do some exercises here in my room. Side raises and twisting crunches are ones that feel the most effective when it comes to my love handles. I had the thinner bottom part of an english muffin with half a tablespoon peanut butter for breakfast today. Man, I really hope I reach my minimum goal of 10 pounds this month! I can do it easily, I know. Oh boy oh boy oh boy! it's only Monday but I can't wait for Sunday!
Happy Thursday! I haven't been able to get on here and write for some time due to the dreaded....CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!! which also explains why I don't get to do ALL my workouts. I usually only do 1 now and that SUCKS! I can just feel myself slipping back into weight gain! Only 4 days until I find out. Yay yay yay!
Okay so tomorrow I find out whether or not I've lost anymore weight! I wanna know NOW!! I've devised a plan, I drink my 8 oz. Slimfast shake in the morning THEN I mix up 8 oz. more and whenever I get snackish or hungry, I just drink some of it and it quells my stomach. I also drink large amounts of water and that helps to keep the ol' appetite suppressed.
Well, I weighed in today. 230.8 lbs. Same ol' same ol'. I'm kind of disappointed but, I'm glad I didn't gain anything. Next week I guess I'm gonna have to hit it harder than I've been. More dietary restrictions and more exercise.

Well, good morrow y'all. It's been a few weeks since I last wrote in. Not having internet is tough on the ol' blog writing business. Anyway, I gained 6 pounds and lost them respectfully. I am now 231.4 lbs. But, guess what! my stomach is flatter than it was way back when. I've discovered how hard it is to eat right when you've got loads and loads of tempting foods in your reach. I did okay at the Superbowl party on the 7th, I only ate three 2 inch squares of pizza, drank nothing but water and had 20 chips TOPS. My downfall was-M&M's. I love the regular M&M's but, I LOVE peanut M&M's even more. But I'm still extremely confident I can lose a huge amount of weight by my birthday! My birthday treat to me is going to be a huge scoop of ice cream with a Peyton Manning on top. mmmmm, yummy. I know, I know, he'd probably never fall for a girl like me. I'm too perverted for his tastes, I imagine. Dude, can you picture Peyton "PeyMan" Manning reading that? Okay, first, can you even picture PeyMan reading MY blog? maybe he comes here for a healthy chuckle.
"HA HA HA HA!! This girl is like a 40 year old woman trapped inside of a 17 year old teeny bopper!! BA HA HA HA!! her legs got so numb in the snow she didn't realize that she'd peed her pants!!" etc. That's an example of what it would be like. I highly doubt athlete's read weight loss blogs, it'd be kind of hard for them to "feel our pain". Well, maybe NFL Linemen not so much. Definatly not quarterbacks, noooo sirree! I'm pretty confident that when a coach says "Boy, you were born to be a quarterback!" they're refering to the fact that THEY WERE PROBABLY BORN WITH PERFECT SIX PACK ABS!! Gosh! they did sit ups in the womb! that fries my beans, man. And I, Sarah, was born with the soft, round body usually given to sewing circle attendants and Chris Farley. I have the body of a Grandma and I'm not even a Mom. This is the reason I diet and exercise. I'd like to be a sexy mama before I'm old enough to be a sexy GRAND-mama. Peas and rice.
Anyhoo, ch'all. I'm going to be 18 and LEGAL!! (woop woop! it's the sound of the police!) so I'd like to be able to do some what was previously illegal stuff, i.e. vote, open a bank account, enter stupid contests, buy cigarettes, buy baking soda, buy Nyquil, etc. Yeah so "have sex with a complete stranger" wasn't on there. I think the youth of America have proven that you don't gotta be 18 to do that jank!
"McKendra! YOUR PREGNANT?! Who's the daddy?!?!"
"Uhm, like, I duh-no."
"What do you mean?"
"Like, he was, uhm, just this guy. Ya know. *sends out Facebook message*"
HOLY MOLY I HATE TEENAGERS!! yes, I am aware that it's hypocritical of me to dislike my own generation but, C'MON! you see everyday what I get to work with! I'm just talkin' 'bout my generation. (I LOVE THE WHO!!! The halftime show was SPECTACULAR!! All the windmills! WOOO!!)
That reminds me, several times Peyton Manning surprised me. Yes. The camera would look at something like, a replay then come back and show The PeyMan giving the 90 million viewers "The Evil Glare of Oh-No-He-Didn't!!". And switching from seeing a guy catch a ball, to that business gave me a jolt!
Man, I feel kind of concerned for the Saints now. Mr. -er, sorry- Godfather Manning might use his one Italian mob connection (Frankie down at "Fazoli's") to have them whack'd.
*shiver* The stare says all, knows all, and commands all. It definatly commanded me outta my pants! unfortunatly, I was unable to oblige him, due to the fact I was around other people who wouldn't have understood. But, know this, if he does that again, I'm not liable for any complaints after I pole dance to "Paradise City" while simultaneously stripping. No, I didn't do it.
It's Peyton Manning's fault.

Well, it's the next day now, February 10th. Yeah, maybe the way I ended that last entry was a little sexually descriptive but, you know what? it felt good to finally get it off my chest. I've found that I'm developing a tiny voice in my gut, it frequently talks to me. Last night, we ate pizza as I said, and we had this conversation while brushing my teeth:
Tummy: Sarah! Saaaraah!
Me: What, Mom?
Tummy: No, it's your Tummy.
Me: Oh, okay. Proceed.
Tummy: Sarah, can you give me two good reasons for eating that pizza?
Me:...uhm, dining with the family helps us stay connected.
Tummy: Okay, valid. Two?
Me:.......It was food.
Tummy: STOP SHOVELLING GARBAGE INTO ME!! I DEMAND CARROTS!!
Me: Your suggestion was duelly noted. The board and I will mull it over for a while-
Tummy: NO! You've gotta give me the REAL good stuff!
Me: Very well.
Tummy: DRINK YOUR WATER!

Yeah, my stomach is a b-word. Nevertheless, I've decided that I'm going to go one whole fortnight without having a grain of sugar. Furthermore, my snacks from now on will consist mostly of vegetables and fruit. I'm experiencing the most heinous caffeine headache right this moment. Continuing, I'm going on a Low Carb-No Sugar plan, que pasa? this also stemmed from a point that Spongebob Squarepants brought up "Sugar turns into bubbling fat, isn't that right, bubble boy?"
Yes. My dietician is Spongebob.

Good morrow, how are you this fine Wintery day?
I stepped on the scale this morning and read 231.0. YAY! my goal that WILL succeed is to be in the 220's by the end of this month. I WILL DO IT! SOCK IT TO IT!

YES YES YESSY YESSY YES!! 229.4!! I feel sooo darn awesome right now. I love looking at that scale, I love how it says 229.4 informing me that I've LOST weight and not GAINED. OH YEAH! I'm gonna be in the 220's by the end of February! *tear* I've been writing my weight down on the calendar so I can look back later and see where and when I lost the most, THEN I look at my exercising schedule for that week and say, I lost 3 pounds, I know what I did that worked effectively and can copy it. I really love jogging, and today and yesterday I went to a fast food restaurant and ordered a salad complete with a bottle of water. Yeah, even with a cheeseburger staring right at me I still get the salad. BOOYAH! and, I must say, Burger King's new "Garden Salad" is the B-zomb. It's incredibly light yet filling. I also adore the container it comes in, I use it to mix up salads and take them on-the-go. Yum. Yeah, they should hire me to do their commercials.
I hope tomorrow tells me something even better! 228.8 lbs would probably be achievable. LET'S DO THIS THANG!

WHOA! AM I A PSYCHIC OR WHAT!? today ye olde scale told me I was 228.8. I'll just let that sink in.....228 lbs. I hope I'm skinnier tomorrow and the next day, and the day after that. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I'm...alone. Yes it's true. As charming as I may sound, I will not be celebrating V-Day with anybody. :( But, on the plus side of this, tomorrow is also my grandparents 51st anniversary. Over half a century together and they still love each other. Awwww. :) I really wish I was celebrating this with someone, someone like Jon Hamm or ooo! 50 cent! that would be a very happy Valentine's Day. Anywho, I ate a salad today. Again, it satisfied my very soul. AND I haven't had any sugar cravings since I quit eating sugar. I even made chocolate chip cookies and didn't eat a single chocolate chip or cookie. And the best part is, the cookie jar was right in front of me the entire time. It's like, I actually have willpower or something. Anyway, I've got two books I want to buy:
Half-Assed by Jennette Fulda
The Idiot Proof Diet by India Knight and Neris Thomas
I really can't reccommend them enough. Idiot proof diet is really a "Master your metabolism" only humorous. And Half-Assed is a fantastic weight loss story! if you've ever visited her (Jennette's) website, you'll see that she's got the makings of a movie. I need to post some more photos! show y'all the new house and what not. Oh man, I hope that by the 22nd I'm at least 225! That would be pure bliss!!
Of course, pure bliss would also be 50 Cent showing up to my door on Valentine's Day with a message of "You're the one for me, shortie!" mmmmm. Nothing like a sexual fantasy to end the entry.

Happy Valentine's Day EVERYONE!! I extend my love to all of you. I love you. <3
Today I arose after sleeping on a pillow covered in bay leaves (it's an old Valentine's Day tradition, pin 5 bay leaves to your pillow, one on each corner and one in the middle, and you'll dream of your true love.) and went downstairs to the bathroom, whizzed, then came back upstairs, stepped on the scale, and read:
227.0 lbs
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!
yes, since the beginning of this month I've lost 6 pounds. How awesome is that? and if I maintain that same pattern, I can lose 12 pounds this month! hips hips AWAY! ra ha ha ha!
*takes deep breath of air* AAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAHHHHHHAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAHHHH!
224.4 lbs!!! I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS LOW!! I'M SO FRIGGIN' HAPPY!! CALLOUH, CALLAY!! OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING!!! *weeps tears of joy*
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am in the lower 220's and it's not even the end of this month.
Holy Guacamole! I cannot believe this. And I imagine I'll lose even more after I stop being constipated. Yes. I'm constipated. I really need to take a giant poo. Hmm. Maybe I should start taking a daily laxative? I don't know.
Man, can't wait to step on the scale tomorrow! maybe it'll say something like, "170 lbs." WOO!
It's amazing, you know, even though I haven't crapped for like, 3 days I don't feel really sh***y. I feel a little bit less light but, not totally sucky.
A QUICK MESSAGE TO MY READERS:
Guys, you are all the bomb. Seriously, you really make writing this blog worth it just to know that someone out there feels the same way. My_so_called_life, you've been there since the beginning and I wish you the very best on your weight loss. Heck! you've probably lost like, a hundred more pounds than me because you have something I don't have, willpower. ha ha ha! Anyway, you're all awesome for dealing with my paranoia, poo problems, obsession with Peyton Manning, and not checking in even remotely enough. I wish you all the very super awesome best on your weight loss journey's!
We really should work on a handshake.

Well, Guten Tag Froulein's and Heir's. I'm 223.8 lbs. AFTER my poo. Yes, I poo-ed! I'm soo happy! but, before my defication, I was 224.8. EEK! I know my weight is going to fluctuate throughout the week, I just want to make sure I maintain this lossage. I can't believe I'm down 10 pounds since the first of this month. And all I had to do was cut out carbs and sugar? I wish I'd done this earlier! I feel like I should be doing a commercial for Nutrasystem or something. Anyway, I hope I can meet my maximum goal for this month, 15 pounds. Oh that would be soo sweet! I would dance The Dance of Happiness if I did! (FYI: The Dance of Happiness is a bunch of pelvic thrusts!)
Last night, I went to bed around 8:30-ish and this morning, I woke up an hour before 5 am and was more than refreshed and eager to start my day. I think I might have to start going to bed half an hour earlier from now on!
I've been wanting to do something for a while now, Tai Chi. I always pictured me doing it in my room with natural light spilling in. And, I'm alittle embarassed to admit this, a cartoon movie made me want to do it. I watched "Kung Fu Panda" and saw how Oogway (The tortoise) was so laid back and prepared to battle anything that came his way and I thought "I'll bet my diet would go a lot smoother if I had the same mentality as that turtle!" SO: I am going to start doing some Tai Chi to relieve some stress, and to strengthen my willpower. Same with Yoga. I'm going to start doing some more Yoga to help stretch and lengthen my muscles. Maybe meditation? I don't know just yet. Right now I'm going to focus on Tai Chi with the morning sun and Yoga with the afternoon sun. Maybe I'll do Tai Chi before my other workouts! I definatly like doing Yoga during the afternoon. It gives you that time for a well needed breather, to shake off some difficulties before they become too unbearable. Then, I'll crawl into my bed at night all stretched out and actually sleep! ha ha ha! My neck has a huge crick in it today. I probably slept on it wrong during the night. Maybe I slept on my mattress without anything supporting my neck OR most likely scenario, my posture is effecting it. I have some weird posture, let me tell ya, It's like Hunchback of Notre Dame quality!
Once again, I just want to remind you all how awesome I think you are. And I want to give you an eHug. Lean into your screen, wrap your arms around the monitor, and make believe your getting a squeeze from me!
Rock on my fellow "Losers"! Let's have this Party In My Pants (P.I.M.P.)!