I've got to do this, I can't keep saying I'm going to and never materializing that goal. I pray that nothing is thrown in the way of this endeavor, that this will be the last time I'm anywhere near the 200's. And it will be.
My desire to lose weight is stronger than ever and it's not just because I'm crushing on "Matt" either. It's because I'm fed up with all the useless excuses, I'm the one in control of my own life. I'm going to take all the control I can, it's my life and I don't want to live it being fat. I don't want to worry about how many stairs I'll have to walk up and whether or not I'll be able to make it without huffing and puffing, I want to look at them and say "It's only 6 flights. I'll take the stairs."
I'm going to turn 18 and I don't want to open the door to life, cowering and nervous.
No, I want to throw the door open, stare life right in the eye and say:
"Bring It."
Nothing is stopping this. My willpower is stronger than steel. I'm worth the time, I'm worth the energy. I deserve this. This is NOT going to fail, This is NOT going to flop, and I will NOT accept any excuses I choose to use. Not anymore. From now on, I'm going to look in the mirror and say:
"You deserve this. You've wanted it your whole life. You HATE BEING FAT, so get up and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Quit talkin' and start walkin'. Show the world what you do with Lemons and make the best Gosh Darn lemonade you've ever tasted. Enough is enough. Screw anyone who says you can't because YOU CAN."
Sarah
Monday, April 19, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Tears from fears
Okay, I don't think I mentioned that I was on camera like, 6 times at the Cards Rally on the 12th. If you have FSN Midwest, you may have seen me. Several times. Have no fear, I am not invading the airwaves just yet.
Last night, a few minutes before bed, I started crying. I don't know what brought it on but, it just happened. The entire time in my head I was screaming "I DON'T WANT TO BE FAT! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" but I have no idea how this came about. I wasn't thinking about weight loss, I was actually thinking about Saturday Night Live's special. So, I did some research, not extensively, just some to make this understandable. Apparently, because I am an emotional eater, when I'm peeling off pounds I'm also revealing the emotions hidden underneath. That also explains why I'm getting choked up now whenever I speak of my weight where as before, I wouldn't have flinched. But, more and more, I find myself with my head in my hands weeping bitterly at the idea of being fat forever. I wonder how long this is going to go on? I feel pathetic and out of control when these things happen. Same thing, I'm embarassed when my Dad comes downstairs and sees me working out especially when Jillian Michaels says something like, "Do you want to be skinny?" because I don't want people to think I'm doing this for vain reasons alone. Essentially, yes, I'd rather be drop dead gorgeous but not at the risk of not being able to do anything. I don't want to be handed some guys number and not be able to grasp it because I'm so weak and frail. That would defeat the purpose.
I lack a lot of self-confidence. I've never asked anyone to do anything because, I always think like, "Sarah, you're annoying them. Just go away." and that's the way I've been for the majority of my teenage life. I could've had a boyfriend at age 13 but, I wasn't going to talk to him and I wasn't going to stay and listen when he talked to me because I felt like I was in his way. It wasn't until months after he'd moved that a friend said "You know, I'm surprised nothing happened between you two. He always talked about you and made it pretty clear he thought you were cute. He never said anything to you?"
All I thought was, "Oh, so that's why he'd say stuff like 'Oo! Sarah! be on my team!' or 'Can I sit next to you? I really like talking to you.'"
I always thought it was pity. No one really hung out with me exclusively, so anyone who did I assumed felt sorry for me and was coming over to show pity on me.
I feel-if you'll all bear with me- that getting some of these feelings out will help me maintain more level headness throughout the day.
If you don't mind reading while I get some out on paper, Actually, you technically don't HAVE to read this. Do whatever you like, bro.
Anyway, something that's been bothering me for about 3 years now is, and I'm going to feel super weird admitting this, I've never had a serious relationship with a guy. I've had flings and just um, weird relationships but, no guy besides my father has ever said "I love you" or has even mentioned that they like me. Really, even my Dad hasn't said that. I've always felt (and most likely was) like the second option. Whenever a guy has said anything to me, I've felt used. This stems from the fact that every guy that I've had a crush on has liked my sisters. Heck, one guy even rated them for me! I was his dead last choice. It made me feel worthless and alone, it gave me several tear stained diary pages. I have never recieved a compliment from a guy, never. Not for anything I've done. How sad is that? I say prayers on days when I need a pick me up for any teeny tiny sign that somebody of the opposite sex finds me attractive. I've had girls say they'd become a lesbian for me, some have even offered to get a sex change so we can legally wed, and while I find it all very nice and loyal sounding (and yes, creepy) it stills doesn't fill that gap left from men. It's almost like I have a quota for compliments and it's never filled. My sister gets compliments alot, and she is pretty but, I wish I could see what that feels like. I've always felt like the ugly sister whenever our family goes out to parties. No one talks to me, if they do it's extreme small talk i.e. last Christmas' "conversation" with my Aunt Cindy:
Aunt Cindy: How's that snow for you?
Me: I know, it's surprising how bitterly cold it is and not even enough to go sledding in.
Aunt Cindy: Well, that's weather for you.
End of exchange. She literally left as I was ending my sentence.
Maybe I'm too sensitive, maybe I'm too annoying, maybe I'm not interesting enough. I don't know. I probably blather on and on. Not very appealing in a person, I guess.
Another big problem is, I'm really perverted. No, no I am not lying. I can make strippers stand in shock and maybe even Hugh Hefner blush. I've got a very dirty, dirty mind. Could this also be running guys off? being perverted kind of conflicts the fact that I'm a romantic. I'd love a Colonel Brandon or an Edward Ferris or a yummy Mr. Darcy! meeow! get your Derby in this Shire, baby! *ahem* the worst part about being perverted as I am is, not being in total control of it at all times. I want a man to come and sweep me off my feet, declare that he's only had feelings for me and no one woman could possibly fill the position. He only has eyes for me. But instead of him taking me to a picnic while he listens to my day, I'd rather he'd take me to his place or a hotel and we get it on! I've already accepted the fact that the guy I marry will have to like sex. And random make outs on random couches. but where oh where can I find a man who'll be my sweet Romeo and my Bedroom Beast(<- sorry you had to read that) a man who'll truly love only me? not just like like like me but, really want to work with me to find compromises and to really want to spend his time with me. Notice, I'm not saying ALL his time. That because I'm cat like. Too much time (more than 3 hours) of my undivided attention is exhausting and I have secretive things I want to do. Naturally, I assume a guy will feel the same way. It's like how it is with my family, I love them with every single molecule in my body, but sometimes you just need some alone time. Just because I'm not spending every waking minute with them doesn't mean I don't love them.
I don't know, maybe I'm a guys worst nightmare brought to life.
I just wish I knew.....They really should come up with a website that was written by guys giving their gosh darn honest opinion. And it should be categorized based on problems girls are facing with their guys.
Every morning, I wake up and begin singing in my head "Rebel Prince" by Rufus Wainwright because, that's how I feel.
Where is my Rebel Prince?
Sarah
Last night, a few minutes before bed, I started crying. I don't know what brought it on but, it just happened. The entire time in my head I was screaming "I DON'T WANT TO BE FAT! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" but I have no idea how this came about. I wasn't thinking about weight loss, I was actually thinking about Saturday Night Live's special. So, I did some research, not extensively, just some to make this understandable. Apparently, because I am an emotional eater, when I'm peeling off pounds I'm also revealing the emotions hidden underneath. That also explains why I'm getting choked up now whenever I speak of my weight where as before, I wouldn't have flinched. But, more and more, I find myself with my head in my hands weeping bitterly at the idea of being fat forever. I wonder how long this is going to go on? I feel pathetic and out of control when these things happen. Same thing, I'm embarassed when my Dad comes downstairs and sees me working out especially when Jillian Michaels says something like, "Do you want to be skinny?" because I don't want people to think I'm doing this for vain reasons alone. Essentially, yes, I'd rather be drop dead gorgeous but not at the risk of not being able to do anything. I don't want to be handed some guys number and not be able to grasp it because I'm so weak and frail. That would defeat the purpose.
I lack a lot of self-confidence. I've never asked anyone to do anything because, I always think like, "Sarah, you're annoying them. Just go away." and that's the way I've been for the majority of my teenage life. I could've had a boyfriend at age 13 but, I wasn't going to talk to him and I wasn't going to stay and listen when he talked to me because I felt like I was in his way. It wasn't until months after he'd moved that a friend said "You know, I'm surprised nothing happened between you two. He always talked about you and made it pretty clear he thought you were cute. He never said anything to you?"
All I thought was, "Oh, so that's why he'd say stuff like 'Oo! Sarah! be on my team!' or 'Can I sit next to you? I really like talking to you.'"
I always thought it was pity. No one really hung out with me exclusively, so anyone who did I assumed felt sorry for me and was coming over to show pity on me.
I feel-if you'll all bear with me- that getting some of these feelings out will help me maintain more level headness throughout the day.
If you don't mind reading while I get some out on paper, Actually, you technically don't HAVE to read this. Do whatever you like, bro.
Anyway, something that's been bothering me for about 3 years now is, and I'm going to feel super weird admitting this, I've never had a serious relationship with a guy. I've had flings and just um, weird relationships but, no guy besides my father has ever said "I love you" or has even mentioned that they like me. Really, even my Dad hasn't said that. I've always felt (and most likely was) like the second option. Whenever a guy has said anything to me, I've felt used. This stems from the fact that every guy that I've had a crush on has liked my sisters. Heck, one guy even rated them for me! I was his dead last choice. It made me feel worthless and alone, it gave me several tear stained diary pages. I have never recieved a compliment from a guy, never. Not for anything I've done. How sad is that? I say prayers on days when I need a pick me up for any teeny tiny sign that somebody of the opposite sex finds me attractive. I've had girls say they'd become a lesbian for me, some have even offered to get a sex change so we can legally wed, and while I find it all very nice and loyal sounding (and yes, creepy) it stills doesn't fill that gap left from men. It's almost like I have a quota for compliments and it's never filled. My sister gets compliments alot, and she is pretty but, I wish I could see what that feels like. I've always felt like the ugly sister whenever our family goes out to parties. No one talks to me, if they do it's extreme small talk i.e. last Christmas' "conversation" with my Aunt Cindy:
Aunt Cindy: How's that snow for you?
Me: I know, it's surprising how bitterly cold it is and not even enough to go sledding in.
Aunt Cindy: Well, that's weather for you.
End of exchange. She literally left as I was ending my sentence.
Maybe I'm too sensitive, maybe I'm too annoying, maybe I'm not interesting enough. I don't know. I probably blather on and on. Not very appealing in a person, I guess.
Another big problem is, I'm really perverted. No, no I am not lying. I can make strippers stand in shock and maybe even Hugh Hefner blush. I've got a very dirty, dirty mind. Could this also be running guys off? being perverted kind of conflicts the fact that I'm a romantic. I'd love a Colonel Brandon or an Edward Ferris or a yummy Mr. Darcy! meeow! get your Derby in this Shire, baby! *ahem* the worst part about being perverted as I am is, not being in total control of it at all times. I want a man to come and sweep me off my feet, declare that he's only had feelings for me and no one woman could possibly fill the position. He only has eyes for me. But instead of him taking me to a picnic while he listens to my day, I'd rather he'd take me to his place or a hotel and we get it on! I've already accepted the fact that the guy I marry will have to like sex. And random make outs on random couches. but where oh where can I find a man who'll be my sweet Romeo and my Bedroom Beast(<- sorry you had to read that) a man who'll truly love only me? not just like like like me but, really want to work with me to find compromises and to really want to spend his time with me. Notice, I'm not saying ALL his time. That because I'm cat like. Too much time (more than 3 hours) of my undivided attention is exhausting and I have secretive things I want to do. Naturally, I assume a guy will feel the same way. It's like how it is with my family, I love them with every single molecule in my body, but sometimes you just need some alone time. Just because I'm not spending every waking minute with them doesn't mean I don't love them.
I don't know, maybe I'm a guys worst nightmare brought to life.
I just wish I knew.....They really should come up with a website that was written by guys giving their gosh darn honest opinion. And it should be categorized based on problems girls are facing with their guys.
Every morning, I wake up and begin singing in my head "Rebel Prince" by Rufus Wainwright because, that's how I feel.
Where is my Rebel Prince?
Sarah
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
One for the ages...
So, yesterday I went to the Cardinals Opening Day Rally and well, I felt really ugly and like a walking fart around all the Lumiere Place showgirls. Then, I waltzed over to the Ballpark Village and heard my new favorite cover band "Trixie Delight" (trixiedelight.com) playing Journey's song "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'".
Anyway, I was so revved by this band's choice of songs that I could barely contain myself when they started playing "I wanna rock n' roll all night (and party everyday)" right after the Journey song, I began screaming woo's and shouting yeah, and raising my fist in the Rock symbol. Well, I was singing along with "Hella Good" by No Doubt and noticed the drummer of the band LOOKING RIGHT AT ME like, we made eye contact! at first I thought "Okay, he's thinking 'wow, what a confident young lady that's head banging right now' and probably thinks I'm some kind of weird chick." but, he stared right at me through the next song "I love Rock n' Roll" by Joan Jett that I REALLY got into I mean, oh hot damn that's my for real jam! anyway, he was looking right at me again and even cracked a small smile. Now I began to think again "Okay, he's amused at my Bingo Arm flapping around as I shake my fist." THEN when they stepped off the stage, he walked half way off, stopped, turned, made eye contact with me again, smiled, and walked off completely. I still doubt that the guy thought I was attractive, I think he was mainly thinking something along the lines of "Wow, she's a dedicated rock fan..." but, I wish I knew what it means when a guy does stuff like that. And he was a bombcuss drummer, too! they covered Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" and I mean, WOW! what a fantastic job! their guitarist, too, was like, a friggin' prodigy on that thing! man, I hope they put out CDs. But, the drummer made me feel....weird. If he did like me, whoa I'm honored, but if he didn't, not really surprised. I wish I had stayed after the concert but, I was losing my voice and my sister was getting heat stroke sooo pretty much we decided to amscray. But, if I HAD stayed afterwards would he have..done anything? probably not. I mean, about half way through my time there a giant, tall, and big dude came and stood right in front of me swallowing my body whole. But, after he left I got to see that drummer guy again! I think his name was Nathan. Not sure. I'll have to go look that up on trixiedelight.com but, do you know how awesome that would make me feel right now? if that drummer dude thought I was cute?
So today was Day 2 of the challenge and I'm still excited. But, I didn't go to bed last night until almost 9:30PM and when my alarm went off at 4:15AM I woke up but was never awake enough to do much besides sit up and blink. I didn't fully get going until 6:31AM when I finally got downstairs and started workin' it out.
I'm feeling pretty good right now, save for the fact that my Mom is quite frankly a B-word to the hardest core you can reach. Seriously, every single day she wakes up on the wrong side of the bed and ends up screwing up everyone elses day because she's sooo freaking weird! right now she's all offended that we didn't wait an extra 30 minutes for her before eating breakfast and she's making us all pay by having us do all the garden work that would be done normally by a machine by hand because she wants us to fully understand how upset at us she is. Nevermind the fact that we even thought about her to make her breakfast exactly the way she wants it, no, we are horrible human beings who should be whipped.
OI. It's times like these I wish I had someplace to escape to like, a magic pod that would give me extra money to spend and send me to the mall. Or Busch Stadium. Anyplace but here! not where she's at.
Erg. I'm really, really frustrated right now. I really, really don't want to work with her.
Man, I hope that I get to 165 before my birthday. I need this. I need to know that I'm not just always going to screw up. I want to finally succeed at something that isn't totally lame like, changing a babies diaper while on the phone. I want to do something phenomenal. I've been trying to lose weight for like, 8 years now. I've been put on almost every diet known to man, I've worked out for 2 hours every 4 hours, I've eaten nothing but salads for 2 weeks. I want all of this to amount to something. I want to not continually battle this hardcore, I want to have the upperhand for once. Even if it's just for a year, I want to say that at one point in my life, I succeeded at something I actually wanted.
This fat isn't me, and until I lose it I'll never be who I really am. I'm not the girl who cowers in the corner at the mention of a pool party, I'm not the girl who cries in the dressing room when a size 22 doesn't fit anymore, I'm not the girl who's afraid of dancing in public for fear her gelatinous blob body might gross other people out when it shakes. I'm none of those things, I'm Sarah. I love swimming, I love to clothes shop, and I love to dance whenever the mood strikes me. I'm caged right now, I'm stuck in a hole that I have to dig out of using only my hands as a shovel. It's going to be hard, but I want to taste that freedom again! when I was younger, before I was put on my very first diet at age 9, I remember wearing a hot pink and neon purple bathing suit to a slumber party/ pool party and not giving a darn. I remember getting up on the stage at church and not being afraid to shake what my mother gave me to the tune of "I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N" and belt it out loud, too. I remember not even thinking about my weight until my mother said "Hey, Sarah, you're 10 pounds over your limit! that's not acceptable." and put me and my older sister on the Atkins' diet because it worked so good for my Aunt, Cousin, and Grandparents. Then I remember stepping on the scale, having lost 3 pounds and my family saying "Good job." The next scene is terrible, driving on our way to VBS at 7 in the morning so we could have our room set up by 10 and being handed a Crosan'wich and hashcrowns that had to be wolfed down between the Burger King and Church, which was about 5 to 7 minutes away. I haven't been under 150 since. Heck! I haven't been under 200 since my 12th birthday. This kind of life blows chunks everywhere, you only get vague glimpses of your old self. Your real self. I want to look in the mirror every morning and see my real self, not the cage my real self has lived in for the past 9 years.
All of that will change in the coming weeks. It has to, life is too short to waste fighting! I can do it, I will do it, because I'VE GOT TO DO IT.
No more excuses! No more lies! No more fear! No more fatness! and that's my final word. You readers, will now only see me DEcrease instead of INcrease.
I promise you this.
Sarah
Anyway, I was so revved by this band's choice of songs that I could barely contain myself when they started playing "I wanna rock n' roll all night (and party everyday)" right after the Journey song, I began screaming woo's and shouting yeah, and raising my fist in the Rock symbol. Well, I was singing along with "Hella Good" by No Doubt and noticed the drummer of the band LOOKING RIGHT AT ME like, we made eye contact! at first I thought "Okay, he's thinking 'wow, what a confident young lady that's head banging right now' and probably thinks I'm some kind of weird chick." but, he stared right at me through the next song "I love Rock n' Roll" by Joan Jett that I REALLY got into I mean, oh hot damn that's my for real jam! anyway, he was looking right at me again and even cracked a small smile. Now I began to think again "Okay, he's amused at my Bingo Arm flapping around as I shake my fist." THEN when they stepped off the stage, he walked half way off, stopped, turned, made eye contact with me again, smiled, and walked off completely. I still doubt that the guy thought I was attractive, I think he was mainly thinking something along the lines of "Wow, she's a dedicated rock fan..." but, I wish I knew what it means when a guy does stuff like that. And he was a bombcuss drummer, too! they covered Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" and I mean, WOW! what a fantastic job! their guitarist, too, was like, a friggin' prodigy on that thing! man, I hope they put out CDs. But, the drummer made me feel....weird. If he did like me, whoa I'm honored, but if he didn't, not really surprised. I wish I had stayed after the concert but, I was losing my voice and my sister was getting heat stroke sooo pretty much we decided to amscray. But, if I HAD stayed afterwards would he have..done anything? probably not. I mean, about half way through my time there a giant, tall, and big dude came and stood right in front of me swallowing my body whole. But, after he left I got to see that drummer guy again! I think his name was Nathan. Not sure. I'll have to go look that up on trixiedelight.com but, do you know how awesome that would make me feel right now? if that drummer dude thought I was cute?
So today was Day 2 of the challenge and I'm still excited. But, I didn't go to bed last night until almost 9:30PM and when my alarm went off at 4:15AM I woke up but was never awake enough to do much besides sit up and blink. I didn't fully get going until 6:31AM when I finally got downstairs and started workin' it out.
I'm feeling pretty good right now, save for the fact that my Mom is quite frankly a B-word to the hardest core you can reach. Seriously, every single day she wakes up on the wrong side of the bed and ends up screwing up everyone elses day because she's sooo freaking weird! right now she's all offended that we didn't wait an extra 30 minutes for her before eating breakfast and she's making us all pay by having us do all the garden work that would be done normally by a machine by hand because she wants us to fully understand how upset at us she is. Nevermind the fact that we even thought about her to make her breakfast exactly the way she wants it, no, we are horrible human beings who should be whipped.
OI. It's times like these I wish I had someplace to escape to like, a magic pod that would give me extra money to spend and send me to the mall. Or Busch Stadium. Anyplace but here! not where she's at.
Erg. I'm really, really frustrated right now. I really, really don't want to work with her.
Man, I hope that I get to 165 before my birthday. I need this. I need to know that I'm not just always going to screw up. I want to finally succeed at something that isn't totally lame like, changing a babies diaper while on the phone. I want to do something phenomenal. I've been trying to lose weight for like, 8 years now. I've been put on almost every diet known to man, I've worked out for 2 hours every 4 hours, I've eaten nothing but salads for 2 weeks. I want all of this to amount to something. I want to not continually battle this hardcore, I want to have the upperhand for once. Even if it's just for a year, I want to say that at one point in my life, I succeeded at something I actually wanted.
This fat isn't me, and until I lose it I'll never be who I really am. I'm not the girl who cowers in the corner at the mention of a pool party, I'm not the girl who cries in the dressing room when a size 22 doesn't fit anymore, I'm not the girl who's afraid of dancing in public for fear her gelatinous blob body might gross other people out when it shakes. I'm none of those things, I'm Sarah. I love swimming, I love to clothes shop, and I love to dance whenever the mood strikes me. I'm caged right now, I'm stuck in a hole that I have to dig out of using only my hands as a shovel. It's going to be hard, but I want to taste that freedom again! when I was younger, before I was put on my very first diet at age 9, I remember wearing a hot pink and neon purple bathing suit to a slumber party/ pool party and not giving a darn. I remember getting up on the stage at church and not being afraid to shake what my mother gave me to the tune of "I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N" and belt it out loud, too. I remember not even thinking about my weight until my mother said "Hey, Sarah, you're 10 pounds over your limit! that's not acceptable." and put me and my older sister on the Atkins' diet because it worked so good for my Aunt, Cousin, and Grandparents. Then I remember stepping on the scale, having lost 3 pounds and my family saying "Good job." The next scene is terrible, driving on our way to VBS at 7 in the morning so we could have our room set up by 10 and being handed a Crosan'wich and hashcrowns that had to be wolfed down between the Burger King and Church, which was about 5 to 7 minutes away. I haven't been under 150 since. Heck! I haven't been under 200 since my 12th birthday. This kind of life blows chunks everywhere, you only get vague glimpses of your old self. Your real self. I want to look in the mirror every morning and see my real self, not the cage my real self has lived in for the past 9 years.
All of that will change in the coming weeks. It has to, life is too short to waste fighting! I can do it, I will do it, because I'VE GOT TO DO IT.
No more excuses! No more lies! No more fear! No more fatness! and that's my final word. You readers, will now only see me DEcrease instead of INcrease.
I promise you this.
Sarah
Monday, April 12, 2010
A Really Long Entry Pt. 2
Okay, continuing the no internet blog writing. I filled up my first file, so this is a continuation of my last entry. I'm feeling kind of...sick. It's like my stomach is dancing inside of me and on top of that I haven't been hungry at all today. Except for when I woke up but, I've been full since then. Wow, 223 lbs! I never thought I'd get this low in one month. I am sooo happy happy! Welp, nightie night. Sweet dreams, I'm off to bed. Can't wait to weigh in tomorrow!!
222.2 lbs. What a glorious sight to behold! I love my scale! :) Anyway, today I gave myself a makeover. Well, not a huge one just a little more attention than usual. I gave myself a salon style blow drying, you know the kind that makes your hair soft and poofy, waxed my stache and unibrow, put on a nice lip moisturizer, and finished up the whole ordeal with some lip glaze. I look beautiful if I do say so myself!
221.6 lbs this morning. So far I've lost a pound a day. Yeppers. It's pretty coolio, my mom and sister have both said that you can tell I've lost weight. Mmmm, compliments!
PRIVATE MOMENT PLEASE!!!
Alright people, explain to me why I'm horny all of a sudden? I need an explanation for this!
It's driving me nuts because I'm riding around with my mom thinking "I can have sex with that guy. I can have sex with that guy, too. And that guy!" it's really getting me down down down! I feel like a perv-O also because I've adopted a "Bang 'em n' Leave 'em" policy. Who am I? Tiger Woods? (yuk yuk yuk. I know it's old.) Anyway, thanks for taking that moment to listen. This has been another Private Moment. Brought to you by: Viagra, "if you can't get your wang to stand at attention, Viagra can take it to a whole 'nother dimension."
220.6 lbs! I'm almost out of the 20's! soon I'll be in the teens! and how amazing will THAT be?! I'll tell you, FRIGGIN' amazing. *Sigh* Well, after I lose this weight Ladies and Gentlemen, I'll be blogging about something else. What? I'll tell you 'what', my attempts to snag Shaun "Red Zeppelin" White (RUN SHAUN RUN!!! *screams of terror*) bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! nobody will be safe from the insanely horny libido of SARAH!!! *dramatic opera music begins playing* speaking of dramatic opera music playing, has anyone else seen those SUPER dramatized National Guard commercials they play before the movie? Oh my gosh, they start out cool but eventually you're like, "Come on! ARMY doesn't make this long of a commercial! don't tell me THIS is the movie I came to see!" But, I love our soldiers, airmen, marines, and sailors. They've got a lot more bravery than I do. Protectors of Liberty, Freedom, and citizens of the United States of America, Rock, Rock ON!
219.8 lbs! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! *girlish squeal* I'm in the teens I'm in the teens! I can't believe this! I'm soooooo happy grandpappy!!
But, in other news, I feel really weird because I'm only hungry in the morning and at dinner. I'm not snackish and I'm not hungry at lunch. I actually feel so full that I feel as if I'll explode when I eat another bite. And I'm not eating big breakfasts, one egg and 3 slices of turkey bacon. I don't know what to do.
219.0! I feel like an accomplishment. I feel so awesome and spectacular. Only, I'm not poo-ing again. :( I need to do something about that. BUT! here's some fabulous news! last night we stayed up late watching "Looney Tunes" and a bag of peanut M&M's sat RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME the entire night and I didn't eat a one! I've conquered my weakness! I've slayed the sweet tooth! I AM IRON MAN! na na na na na naa naan naan na! Okay, maybe I'm not Iron Man. But I feel awesome that I've done that.
I jumproped today for 7 minutes. I haven't jumproped in months, even then it wasn't for 7 minutes. OKAY! I almost forgot! yesterday while at Wal*Mart I purchased the latest issue of "Fitness" magazine and let me tell YOU! they showed me tons of moves to work on my tummy and Bingo Arm, and introduced me to the love of my life, "So you think you can dance: Cardio Funk" DVD that sounds so awesome it's going to implode all over the magazine!! I'll have to rent that from the library OR knuckle down and buy it. Another thing is this, I applied at my favorite fashion store "Cato's" and I'm hoping I'm hired at this one right by me because it's less than 500 feet from a "Club Fitness" and my thinking is this: If I am hired at said Cato's, I can maybe stay an hour after and exercise at the gym! and since I can't go in before noon (due to school) I can still do my "SYTYCD: Cardio Funk" in the morning! hooray!
Well, anyway schmole's it sounds good to me. And if I work on my birthday I can go waltzing into my work 70 pounds lighter saying "Happy Birthday to Sexy me! Happy Birthday to Sexy me! Happy Birthday to Super Sexy Meeee! Happy Birthday to Sexy Me! I'm still hor-neeeee!"
Yep. Then after I'm 170 lbs. I'll begin my decline to 145 and be (if it's possible) even sexier! I know what you're thinking "You're the least sexy person I know! you smell like B.O. and have ketchup stains all over your shirt!"
But, I protest, those are Sexy ketchup stains! meeow! (I'm really sorry! I'm not in total control of this entry!)
Anyhoo, sorry you were sexually harassed by me again. I'll inform the police for you.
220.4 lbs. Aye Caramba! what did I do wrong? it's not muscle because I measured myself and I'm still the same. What to do? What to do? I requested the "SYTYCD: Cardio Funk" from ye olde Library. I can't wait 'til it arrives! I want to dance! DANCE!
Sorry guys it's been a few days since I last checked in. I'm 219.2 lbs. Last I checked in I was 220.4 so, I've gone down. Tomorrow is the first of March and I'm excited to start my new 4 month weight loss plan. Hopefully I'll have a lower number to write down on the calendar.
And I did! 218.6 lbs! woot! my goal is 205 at the end of this month AND I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO ACCOMPLISH SAID TASK. And I ain't lyin'! I'm hoping my SYTYCD DVD comes in tomorrow. I want to dance my lil' pants off.
Well, sorry blog readers, I haven't written in since the 5 th and it is now St. Patrick's Day.
Happy Saint Patty's Day!!
Here's what I've been doing:
1st, SYTYCD: Cardio Funk AND Tone n' Groove was fun and awesome, I loved learning all the dance moves and then trying them out in the "Real world" but it was $17 for one DVD. I don't want to spend that much just yet. Plus it was only 3 workouts and I'd rather pay $17 for a DVD with say, 6 or 7 workouts.
Anyway, here's what ended up happening, my local Wal*Mart was having a sale on exercise DVD's and after digging through all the Pussycat Doll Workout DVD's I finally found one worth doing! Biggest Loser: Cardio Max! then, since it was a sale, I bought Power Sculpt, Weight loss Yoga, the Firm 500 calorie workout, and Biggest Loser: LAST CHANCE workout.
They are all very awesome, at the end you feel worked out but not soo exhausted that you can't lace up your own boots. Best $30 I ever spent.
The Firm 500 calorie workout is FUN! but, it requires good co-ordination which I don't feature so I end up doing weird versions of what they're doing. It's awesome.
The 4 Biggest Loser DVD's I own are fabulous. I love telling people that I got up and trained with Bob Harper or I just finished working out with Jillian Michaels. It makes you feel like you can accomplish this goal but, on that note, for some reason today I feel like I'm just kidding myself about this 205 at the end of March. I think it's because I'm 222.0 :(. I've got 14 days left in this month, I can work hard and lose at least 10. That would be glorious. From this moment forward I'm going to be more concious about what I'm eating.
Hopefully, next time I log in, I'll be at least 210.
Good morning, it is April 12th, 2010 and well, I didn't reach my goal for March. However, I'm embarking on a challenge that I encourage you to do as well!
See, it's 13 weeks until my 18th birthday (whoopwhoop) and I'm going to see how much weight I can lose in 12 weeks by doing this routine:
Monday
BL(Biggest Loser) Last Chance Workout
CardioMax
Tuesday
BL Last Chance Workout
500 Calorie Workout
Wednesday
BL Last Chance Workout
CardioMax
Powersculpt
Thursday
BL Last Chance Workout
500 calorie workout
Powersculpt
Friday
BL Last Chance Workout
500 calorie workout
CardioMax Level 2
Saturday
BL Last Chance Workout
(Slot open for whatever I feel like doing)
Yeppers, that's my goal. See, my "Biggest Loser: Last Chance Workout" says that I can drop 30 pounds in 6 weeks. Hubba-wha?! if I do that I'll be 195 half way through May so, I thought "What's 30 lbs. from 195?" after doing some really slow math the result was 165. "165?!?!? that's 5 lbs. LESS than my goal weight! BOOYAH!" Then I got to thinking about something else....diet. Right now my diet is, crappy to say the least. I need to work on "cleansing" my system. More so, training my brain differently. And I remembered how good I felt on the "Idiot-Proof Diet", I felt so light and airy all the time and literally didn't crave excess carbs or sugar. SO, to make this long story short (too late!) I'm going to see how much weight I lose in 6 weeks doing the BL: LCW and going on the IPD (Idiot-Proof Diet). Then after my decline to 165, I begin my further decline to 145 where I'll be right smack in the middle of my perfect weight chart.
Holy Smokes! Can you feel the energy?! LET'S GET IT ON! Not sexually (although...maybe...) but PHYSICALLY! (which can still be sexually).
Woo! I'm hyped!:)
I already started today as it is the first day of my twelve weeks. And, well, do you remember said Adam? (See "A Really Long Entry pt. 1") Well, ho, ho, I'm going to try and ensnare him in my lady claws! RA ha ha ha ha ha! yes, I know you've just gotten back from reading the entry and you're thinking "HIM? Why on Earth?" I'll tell you why, that boy be HAW-T! yes, I used GhettoTalk. Anyway, the reason is, Adam liked me when I was chunky (175-190) and was really nice about everything he did. But, another reason is, THAT BOY BE HOT! I could probably fry bacon on him he's so sizzlin'! and most likely he knows that, hmmm, so that means I'm gonna have to really work on my stylin' before trasping over to him and saying quite plainly
"You, Me, Room 202. I'll let you connect the dots." and if he's the same Adam, He'll show up with a Star Wars sleeping bag and his toothbrush ready to have a hotel sleepover. Yeah, sensual. And I'll drool over him as he tucks and untucks his pajama shirt into his pants and I'll bat my eyes as he adjusts his sleeping bag like a KA-Jillion TIMES!
*silent scream inside of me*
Ahem, sorry. Anyway, underlining goal I want you to take from this is.....6 week pound droppage. Okay.
222.2 lbs. What a glorious sight to behold! I love my scale! :) Anyway, today I gave myself a makeover. Well, not a huge one just a little more attention than usual. I gave myself a salon style blow drying, you know the kind that makes your hair soft and poofy, waxed my stache and unibrow, put on a nice lip moisturizer, and finished up the whole ordeal with some lip glaze. I look beautiful if I do say so myself!
221.6 lbs this morning. So far I've lost a pound a day. Yeppers. It's pretty coolio, my mom and sister have both said that you can tell I've lost weight. Mmmm, compliments!
PRIVATE MOMENT PLEASE!!!
Alright people, explain to me why I'm horny all of a sudden? I need an explanation for this!
It's driving me nuts because I'm riding around with my mom thinking "I can have sex with that guy. I can have sex with that guy, too. And that guy!" it's really getting me down down down! I feel like a perv-O also because I've adopted a "Bang 'em n' Leave 'em" policy. Who am I? Tiger Woods? (yuk yuk yuk. I know it's old.) Anyway, thanks for taking that moment to listen. This has been another Private Moment. Brought to you by: Viagra, "if you can't get your wang to stand at attention, Viagra can take it to a whole 'nother dimension."
220.6 lbs! I'm almost out of the 20's! soon I'll be in the teens! and how amazing will THAT be?! I'll tell you, FRIGGIN' amazing. *Sigh* Well, after I lose this weight Ladies and Gentlemen, I'll be blogging about something else. What? I'll tell you 'what', my attempts to snag Shaun "Red Zeppelin" White (RUN SHAUN RUN!!! *screams of terror*) bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! nobody will be safe from the insanely horny libido of SARAH!!! *dramatic opera music begins playing* speaking of dramatic opera music playing, has anyone else seen those SUPER dramatized National Guard commercials they play before the movie? Oh my gosh, they start out cool but eventually you're like, "Come on! ARMY doesn't make this long of a commercial! don't tell me THIS is the movie I came to see!" But, I love our soldiers, airmen, marines, and sailors. They've got a lot more bravery than I do. Protectors of Liberty, Freedom, and citizens of the United States of America, Rock, Rock ON!
219.8 lbs! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! *girlish squeal* I'm in the teens I'm in the teens! I can't believe this! I'm soooooo happy grandpappy!!
But, in other news, I feel really weird because I'm only hungry in the morning and at dinner. I'm not snackish and I'm not hungry at lunch. I actually feel so full that I feel as if I'll explode when I eat another bite. And I'm not eating big breakfasts, one egg and 3 slices of turkey bacon. I don't know what to do.
219.0! I feel like an accomplishment. I feel so awesome and spectacular. Only, I'm not poo-ing again. :( I need to do something about that. BUT! here's some fabulous news! last night we stayed up late watching "Looney Tunes" and a bag of peanut M&M's sat RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME the entire night and I didn't eat a one! I've conquered my weakness! I've slayed the sweet tooth! I AM IRON MAN! na na na na na naa naan naan na! Okay, maybe I'm not Iron Man. But I feel awesome that I've done that.
I jumproped today for 7 minutes. I haven't jumproped in months, even then it wasn't for 7 minutes. OKAY! I almost forgot! yesterday while at Wal*Mart I purchased the latest issue of "Fitness" magazine and let me tell YOU! they showed me tons of moves to work on my tummy and Bingo Arm, and introduced me to the love of my life, "So you think you can dance: Cardio Funk" DVD that sounds so awesome it's going to implode all over the magazine!! I'll have to rent that from the library OR knuckle down and buy it. Another thing is this, I applied at my favorite fashion store "Cato's" and I'm hoping I'm hired at this one right by me because it's less than 500 feet from a "Club Fitness" and my thinking is this: If I am hired at said Cato's, I can maybe stay an hour after and exercise at the gym! and since I can't go in before noon (due to school) I can still do my "SYTYCD: Cardio Funk" in the morning! hooray!
Well, anyway schmole's it sounds good to me. And if I work on my birthday I can go waltzing into my work 70 pounds lighter saying "Happy Birthday to Sexy me! Happy Birthday to Sexy me! Happy Birthday to Super Sexy Meeee! Happy Birthday to Sexy Me! I'm still hor-neeeee!"
Yep. Then after I'm 170 lbs. I'll begin my decline to 145 and be (if it's possible) even sexier! I know what you're thinking "You're the least sexy person I know! you smell like B.O. and have ketchup stains all over your shirt!"
But, I protest, those are Sexy ketchup stains! meeow! (I'm really sorry! I'm not in total control of this entry!)
Anyhoo, sorry you were sexually harassed by me again. I'll inform the police for you.
220.4 lbs. Aye Caramba! what did I do wrong? it's not muscle because I measured myself and I'm still the same. What to do? What to do? I requested the "SYTYCD: Cardio Funk" from ye olde Library. I can't wait 'til it arrives! I want to dance! DANCE!
Sorry guys it's been a few days since I last checked in. I'm 219.2 lbs. Last I checked in I was 220.4 so, I've gone down. Tomorrow is the first of March and I'm excited to start my new 4 month weight loss plan. Hopefully I'll have a lower number to write down on the calendar.
And I did! 218.6 lbs! woot! my goal is 205 at the end of this month AND I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO ACCOMPLISH SAID TASK. And I ain't lyin'! I'm hoping my SYTYCD DVD comes in tomorrow. I want to dance my lil' pants off.
Well, sorry blog readers, I haven't written in since the 5 th and it is now St. Patrick's Day.
Happy Saint Patty's Day!!
Here's what I've been doing:
1st, SYTYCD: Cardio Funk AND Tone n' Groove was fun and awesome, I loved learning all the dance moves and then trying them out in the "Real world" but it was $17 for one DVD. I don't want to spend that much just yet. Plus it was only 3 workouts and I'd rather pay $17 for a DVD with say, 6 or 7 workouts.
Anyway, here's what ended up happening, my local Wal*Mart was having a sale on exercise DVD's and after digging through all the Pussycat Doll Workout DVD's I finally found one worth doing! Biggest Loser: Cardio Max! then, since it was a sale, I bought Power Sculpt, Weight loss Yoga, the Firm 500 calorie workout, and Biggest Loser: LAST CHANCE workout.
They are all very awesome, at the end you feel worked out but not soo exhausted that you can't lace up your own boots. Best $30 I ever spent.
The Firm 500 calorie workout is FUN! but, it requires good co-ordination which I don't feature so I end up doing weird versions of what they're doing. It's awesome.
The 4 Biggest Loser DVD's I own are fabulous. I love telling people that I got up and trained with Bob Harper or I just finished working out with Jillian Michaels. It makes you feel like you can accomplish this goal but, on that note, for some reason today I feel like I'm just kidding myself about this 205 at the end of March. I think it's because I'm 222.0 :(. I've got 14 days left in this month, I can work hard and lose at least 10. That would be glorious. From this moment forward I'm going to be more concious about what I'm eating.
Hopefully, next time I log in, I'll be at least 210.
Good morning, it is April 12th, 2010 and well, I didn't reach my goal for March. However, I'm embarking on a challenge that I encourage you to do as well!
See, it's 13 weeks until my 18th birthday (whoopwhoop) and I'm going to see how much weight I can lose in 12 weeks by doing this routine:
Monday
BL(Biggest Loser) Last Chance Workout
CardioMax
Tuesday
BL Last Chance Workout
500 Calorie Workout
Wednesday
BL Last Chance Workout
CardioMax
Powersculpt
Thursday
BL Last Chance Workout
500 calorie workout
Powersculpt
Friday
BL Last Chance Workout
500 calorie workout
CardioMax Level 2
Saturday
BL Last Chance Workout
(Slot open for whatever I feel like doing)
Yeppers, that's my goal. See, my "Biggest Loser: Last Chance Workout" says that I can drop 30 pounds in 6 weeks. Hubba-wha?! if I do that I'll be 195 half way through May so, I thought "What's 30 lbs. from 195?" after doing some really slow math the result was 165. "165?!?!? that's 5 lbs. LESS than my goal weight! BOOYAH!" Then I got to thinking about something else....diet. Right now my diet is, crappy to say the least. I need to work on "cleansing" my system. More so, training my brain differently. And I remembered how good I felt on the "Idiot-Proof Diet", I felt so light and airy all the time and literally didn't crave excess carbs or sugar. SO, to make this long story short (too late!) I'm going to see how much weight I lose in 6 weeks doing the BL: LCW and going on the IPD (Idiot-Proof Diet). Then after my decline to 165, I begin my further decline to 145 where I'll be right smack in the middle of my perfect weight chart.
Holy Smokes! Can you feel the energy?! LET'S GET IT ON! Not sexually (although...maybe...) but PHYSICALLY! (which can still be sexually).
Woo! I'm hyped!:)
I already started today as it is the first day of my twelve weeks. And, well, do you remember said Adam? (See "A Really Long Entry pt. 1") Well, ho, ho, I'm going to try and ensnare him in my lady claws! RA ha ha ha ha ha! yes, I know you've just gotten back from reading the entry and you're thinking "HIM? Why on Earth?" I'll tell you why, that boy be HAW-T! yes, I used GhettoTalk. Anyway, the reason is, Adam liked me when I was chunky (175-190) and was really nice about everything he did. But, another reason is, THAT BOY BE HOT! I could probably fry bacon on him he's so sizzlin'! and most likely he knows that, hmmm, so that means I'm gonna have to really work on my stylin' before trasping over to him and saying quite plainly
"You, Me, Room 202. I'll let you connect the dots." and if he's the same Adam, He'll show up with a Star Wars sleeping bag and his toothbrush ready to have a hotel sleepover. Yeah, sensual. And I'll drool over him as he tucks and untucks his pajama shirt into his pants and I'll bat my eyes as he adjusts his sleeping bag like a KA-Jillion TIMES!
*silent scream inside of me*
Ahem, sorry. Anyway, underlining goal I want you to take from this is.....6 week pound droppage. Okay.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I'd give you part 2, but my Neo is missing, so instead here's a mean n' nasty letter to my local Whole Foods...
Dear Whole Foods,
Now, I know you cater primarily to the people who want to eat organically and save the Earth. That's absolutely fine. But, is there any way you could filter out the crazies?
Listen, I'm an understanding person, I will judge a book by it's cover from time to time but, I didn't need a cover for the folks down at your store.
For instance, an Edward Cullen-esk young man in a turban stopping an entire convoy of shopping carts so that he could Worship in the middle of our aisle? Really? is that acceptable? Or, better yet, the stupid Ladies who go there after their morning jog and decide that it's okay to get their sweaty hands all over the boxes they're not going to even consider buying? Or Jason, my cashier who likes to end my shopping experience with probing little questions like,
"Philanthropical or Charitable? are they the same?"
To which I want to reply:
Listen you hemp-lovin' Hippie! I'm not getting into a stupid debate with you over words! And yeah, they are the same thing. Shut up and scan.
And, after you say something like, Philanthropical and Charitable are vitually the exact same thing, He'll roll his eyes and grab your reusable bags and bag each and every item S-E-P-A-R-A-T-E-L-Y! NO JOKE! "Why is my soy milk in it's own bag? and my goat's milk and zucchini is over here, and my mango has it's own bag? What?" Ever heard of condensing? obviously not.
Oi Ca vah! I know this isn't a weight loss entry but, those people are making me wretch.
Now, I know you cater primarily to the people who want to eat organically and save the Earth. That's absolutely fine. But, is there any way you could filter out the crazies?
Listen, I'm an understanding person, I will judge a book by it's cover from time to time but, I didn't need a cover for the folks down at your store.
For instance, an Edward Cullen-esk young man in a turban stopping an entire convoy of shopping carts so that he could Worship in the middle of our aisle? Really? is that acceptable? Or, better yet, the stupid Ladies who go there after their morning jog and decide that it's okay to get their sweaty hands all over the boxes they're not going to even consider buying? Or Jason, my cashier who likes to end my shopping experience with probing little questions like,
"Philanthropical or Charitable? are they the same?"
To which I want to reply:
Listen you hemp-lovin' Hippie! I'm not getting into a stupid debate with you over words! And yeah, they are the same thing. Shut up and scan.
And, after you say something like, Philanthropical and Charitable are vitually the exact same thing, He'll roll his eyes and grab your reusable bags and bag each and every item S-E-P-A-R-A-T-E-L-Y! NO JOKE! "Why is my soy milk in it's own bag? and my goat's milk and zucchini is over here, and my mango has it's own bag? What?" Ever heard of condensing? obviously not.
Oi Ca vah! I know this isn't a weight loss entry but, those people are making me wretch.
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