Here it is, July 7th 2010 and I am NOT 170 pounds. Hell No, I'm still 230 something.
Today has been a somewhat shitty day. My Mother and my little brother have been giving me a whole bunch of crap. Not about the unmet goal but just in general shit.
For example, I spent 5 hours working in the kitchen and on my feet the entire time Mom spends 2 hours outside sitting down on the grass mostly and when I told her what I'd like to have for my birthday dinner she complained and said "I know it's your birthday but, we had what you wanted for breakfast can't we have what I want for once?"
SERIOUSLY?!?! We do that every single day!!! I wanted to shout "NO! I HATE TACO BELL!!" but instead she whined and played the martyr soooo well that she ended up getting what she wanted. Damn I wish I had my own car or could even drive.
I want so very badly to just go and cry but, I can't.
Something I should've informed you all of is the depression I've been dealing with for the past couple of months. The biggest is that friendships I thought were everlasting are falling apart and I'm getting blamed for it. And people I thought actually liked me were using me. I feel like a tool. I woke up this morning and immediatly sunk because I haven't accomplished what I want SOOOOOOO badly to accomplish. Which is why I'm saying, And I want to stress this as much as possible I WILL BE 170 POUNDS BY HALLOWEEN OR SO FUCKING HELP ME I'M GOING TO GIVE UP ENTIRELY!!
Why can't I do this?!? I WANT IT SO BADLY I WANT TO TASTE FREEDOM!! but I'm stuck. NOT ANYMORE. I'M BREAKING OUT. STARTING JULY 12th I AM ON MY WAY TO SKINNY JEANS!!
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